It takes a village to raise a child—but where has that village gone?

When I was growing up, I was enchanted by the magical stories my mother and grandmother told me.

One story, in particular, stayed with me. When my mother was two years old, she got lost one stormy monsoon evening. The village roads were submerged in floodwater, and the sky glowed red with the last light of the setting sun. My grandmother, terrified, feared the worst—that her daughter might have drowned. She spent the whole night searching, calling out her name, but found no sign of her. 

Meanwhile, my mother, just a small child, was also searching—desperate for warmth, protection, and the comfort of a familiar touch. Then, as if guided by mother nature herself, she found shelter inside a hollow tree, warm and safe, where she blissfully spent the whole night. In the morning, my grandmother finally discovered her, curled up inside the tree trunk, unharmed by the chaos of the storm.

For years, this story painted a romanticised image of motherhood in my mind—one of resilience, warmth, and sacrifice. Like me, many women grow up believing that motherhood is the ultimate achievement, a journey that unfolds like a beautiful, fulfilling dream. A year ago, I became a mother and quickly realised that motherhood is far from the fairytale I once imagined. 

I realised my grandmother never told me the other side of the story; so, I never understood the harsh reality of motherhood until I became a mother myself. Only now do I realise what my grandmother must have gone through. 

After losing her child, she must have been gripped with fear, shame, and the looming judgement of others. Everybody would blame her and call her an irresponsible mother who did not take care of her child properly. She would be labelled as a failure. Nobody would understand that she might have been busy from morning till evening with household chores. 

In fact, from the day she became a mother, she may not have had a proper meal, as her priority became her child and other household responsibilities. And after tending to both, what time would remain for her own basic needs?

From a young age, many women aspire to be the "ideal mother"—flawless, selfless, cheerful, never showing fatigue, and never making mistakes. This expectation pushes women to perform superhuman feats, with little regard for their well-being. The image of the picture-perfect mother is an unrealistic standard that makes women feel inadequate when they pursue and fail to achieve it.

Motherhood comes with immense responsibilities, one of the greatest being the pressure to raise a child who, as an adult, will contribute positively to society. At the same time, there is societal pressure for mothers to cease professional engagement and focus solely on child-rearing. 

If a mother opts to pursue a professional career, she is often viewed as less than ideal, with the belief that professional life and proper childcare cannot coexist. Yet, working mothers must constantly balance both roles—juggling professional responsibilities and domestic obligations. 

Motherhood is also an emotional rollercoaster. It often involves a range of difficult emotions, including worry, guilt, frustration, anger, and fear. The initial joy and magic of having a child can fade as these challenges arise, leaving mothers feeling overwhelmed. 

After childbirth, many women experience sadness, hopelessness, and emotional turmoil, which are not just due to hormonal changes but also because of a variety of other stressors. In addition to physical and emotional stress, new mothers today face challenges like lack of paid leave, insufficient childcare, and the immense responsibility of caring for a newborn, which can lead them to postpartum depression.

Globally, about 10–20% of new mothers experience postnatal depression, while in Bangladesh, the rates range from 18% to 35%. This condition does not just impact the mother—it also has detrimental effects on the infant, the family, and society as a whole.

The journey of motherhood is deeply beautiful, with the baby being the most precious part. A mother feels immense gratitude and wants to cherish every moment with her child. However, when the entire responsibility of caregiving falls on one person, it becomes overwhelming. 

If we want motherhood to be a more joyful and less stressful experience, we must challenge outdated beliefs and rethink societal expectations. The responsibility of raising a child should not fall solely on the mother; it should be shared by the family and the broader community.

There is wisdom in the old proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child." Historically, especially in rural areas, communities supported one another in child-rearing, making it a collective effort rather than an isolated struggle. In earlier times, people also believed that Mother Nature herself would offer protection.

Today, despite living in densely populated cities, we seem more disconnected than ever. Most of the time, mothers are unable to find community support to raise their children. In some cases, even asking for help is seen as a sign that the mother is failing at motherhood. However, community support can contribute a lot to making motherhood a more enjoyable and stress-free experience.

So I ask: Why have we abandoned the idea of collective child-rearing? Why have we become so individualistic? Why have we lost faith in the very support systems that once made motherhood a joyful experience?

I do not have the answers to these questions. Do you?

Taslima Aktar is a research associate at the BRAC Institute of Governance and Development - BIGD, BRAC University. She can be reached at: taslima.41@bracu.ac.bd 

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.