Only Honest political party chief unveils roadmap for $5,000 economy, but it's mostly thru extortion

The Only Honest political party yesterday unveiled a $5,000 economy plan, reserving most of the proceeds for itself. 

Unveiling the plan, which he thought was ambitious, party chief Goodhair Ishraful said it was time to reap the benefits of the revolution they also pretended to be a part of. 

"Look man, look at my head. Is there any hair? No. Why? Because for 15 years we didn't even have money to maintain a hairstyle. We haven't paid our workers in decades. So let's just call an election," he said. 

Informed that he probably won't win, he said it didn't matter. 

"We are trying to legitimise something here. What are we doing but trying to help the people? And for that, we need at least $5,000. It's not a handout, look at my plan. It's how we will earn it," Ishrafu said. 

Pointed out that his plan was only a whiteboard with the word "extortion" on it, he quickly erased it and wrote something else: "parking tickets". 

"I wrote that in a hurry. Here's what I meant. There are, what, a billion roads in the country? And people park everywhere right? So, now they can pay us to park," Ishraf said. 

Asked what authority the party had to charge such a toll, Ishra said it would be for protection. 

"We will make sure our men don't steal your car parts. It's basically for your protection," he said. 

Told that that was the very definition of extortion, Ishr said there was no time to be pedantic. 

"I have lost my hair. I am now losing an alphabet from my very name every second. Just call the damn election and let me continue my journey which had been paused for so long," Ish declared.  

"Otherwise, you won't see any cars with wheels if this goes on," he warned.