A conversation with a scammer

Me: "Hello."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Hello. This is Kuddus from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device." 

Me: "Oh no. My device? Are you sure?"

NOT-Microsoft support: "Oh yes, we have many reports."

Me: "Oh jeez. How can I fix it?"

NOT-Microsoft support: "It is OK mam. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device?"

Me: "Yes. I was just about to use it. I am glad you called."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Yes mam, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?"

Me: "I think it is already on."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Okay, mam. Now you want to click on Control Panel."

Me: "I do not see that."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?"

Me: "Yes."

NOT-Microsoft support: "That is your Control Panel."

Me: "Wow, I did not realise it had a name."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Yes mam, now press on Internet Options."

Me: "Yeah, I definitely do not see any Internet options. I do not think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one."

NOT-Microsoft support: "They all have the Internet mam. Press the Start button again."

Me: "OK, it is the same as before."

NOT-Microsoft support: "That is OK mam. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?"

Me: "Ummm…I do not know how. I have never turned it off. Since I bought it just kind of stays on all the time."

NOT-Microsoft support: "There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it is running?"

Me: "In those cases I usually press the big button beneath Stop/Cancel."

NOT-Microsoft support: "OK mam. Please press that button."

Me: "Ok."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Is your device off?"

Me: "No. The door popped open."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Door? Is there a disc inside the door?"

Me: "No, there is a shik kabab."

NOT-Microsoft support: "Why is there a shik kabab in your computer?"

Me: "Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support."