When mother (or father) doesn’t know best
If we want our children to stay, we must give them a home that doesn't hurt. We must raise them to be successful and feel seen, safe, and loved

We're often told to honour our parents, but we're seldom taught to ask: What happens when parents don't honour their children?
In South Asia, parenting is often considered a one-way street—where the parent leads, and the child must follow unquestioningly. Respect is demanded, not earned. Obedience is celebrated, not understood. And discipline, no matter how brutal, is cloaked in the righteousness of "tough love."
But behind many one-way plane tickets to Canada or Australia, behind children who grow up and never return, lies a truth we rarely acknowledge: toxic parenting inflicts emotional exile, a profound and often lifelong separation from one's own emotional well-being.
Love shouldn't hurt—yet it often does
Talk to many adults in their 30s or 40s, and you'll hear stories not of warm family meals or bedtime stories, but silent dinners laced with fear. A slap for asking a question. A beating for spilling water. Fans turned off in sweltering heat as punishment. Lights are denied under the guise of "saving electricity," but truly, to control or humiliate. A father's public ridicule. A mother's silence.
These aren't exceptions. These are patterns. And while the physical bruises may have faded, the emotional wounds often remain—festering quietly until they manifest as distance one day. As absence. As a polite "yes, we're doing fine" over an international call, but with no intention to return.
Why is this still called "normal"?
Culturally, we've long upheld the idea that parents are always right. That they "sacrifice everything" and, thus, are above reproach. But sacrifice does not justify abuse. Providing shelter, food, or education doesn't grant anyone the right to demean or emotionally damage their children.
Respect, like trust, must be mutual. In many households, children are treated less like individuals and more like possessions—expected to perform, obey, and, most dangerously, endure.
And let's not forget the mothers in these households—many of whom are also victims of emotional or physical abuse but are forced into complicity, their silence speaking volumes to the children watching it all unfold.
From fear to freedom
In adulthood, children seek healing. And sometimes, healing means distance. Settling abroad isn't always about better opportunities. Sometimes, it's about breathing freely and choosing peace over proximity. About not having to pretend that everything was okay.
Many ageing parents today wonder, "Why don't my children visit?" But they forget the countless days their child longed for comfort and received unkindness instead. Parenting that relies on fear often ends in fear—of abandonment, loneliness, and being forgotten.
It's time to redefine good parenting
Good parenting focuses on fostering a deep connection rather than exerting control. It's not solely about raising "successful" children but about nurturing secure, empathetic individuals who can thrive emotionally.
Parents must recognise that discipline is different from abuse. Setting healthy boundaries is about guiding our children rather than suppressing their spirits. They deserve to be treated with the same respect we extend to others, acknowledging their thoughts, feelings, and inherent dignity.
If your child isn't opening up to you, it's worth reflecting on why that might be. Silence can often mask deeper feelings, and fostering open communication is key. Additionally, parents need to remember that they are accountable for their actions. Love should be conveyed by self-reflection and humility, not a sense of entitlement. We can better support our children's emotional growth by approaching parenting with compassion and understanding.
From households to healing
We must shift from a parenting culture rooted in obedience to one grounded in empathy. This shift offers hope for a future where children care for their parents out of love, not guilt or fear.
If we want our children to stay, we must give them a home that doesn't hurt. We must raise them to be successful and feel seen, safe, and loved.
Let's raise children who don't need therapy to recover from their childhoods. Let's raise parents, too, who understand that real power lies in kindness.
Because when parenting isn't proper, no passport stamp can bring a child back.
Shafiq R Bhuiyan is a storyteller who examines the intersection of social progress, effective communication, cultural development, and corporate social responsibility while sharing insights to inspire change.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.