Violence against women and girls may not always be visible

Illustration: TBS

What is violence and how would you define it? In this day and age, one out of every three women has experienced violence, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO). While this may not be news to us, as we observe the prevalence of violence worldwide, particularly against women, we may realise that violence can be silent and subtle. 

As the '16 Days of Activism' awareness campaign concludes this year, with numerous discussions and talks raising awareness on this crucial topic, we must also be mindful of our behaviour and body language towards women and girls.

While our focus tends to be on physical violence, psychological and socio-economic violence are often overlooked and rarely addressed. Recognising that violence can manifest in non-violent ways, creating the same trauma for girls and women in their everyday lives, is crucial.

Given that I work extensively with urban young women and girls in Bangladesh who are either studying, entering the job market or working, I want to shed light on subtle forms of 'violence' at home and workplaces that can have a profound impact on a girl, making her feel abused, bullied and isolated.

When ways of work favour male colleagues

Consider Fahmida (not her real name), who comes to work daily and faces challenges when her male coworker deliberately withholds information. Despite repeated attempts to obtain the necessary information, he offers excuses, causing Fahmida's work to be delayed. 

Although she cannot definitively prove violence, she observes that her male counterpart treats another male colleague differently. 

When Fahmida confronts him, he becomes defensive, attributing her struggles to her newness in the organisation. Fahmida remains stressed, feeling the pressure to prove herself and experiencing anxiety that disrupts her sleep.

Subtle pats on the back and hands on the knee

Imagine Humaira, who takes a public bus to work every day. A male coworker often joins her on the bus. Initially, she thought it would be great that they could discuss work issues early morning. The conversations are helpful for her because she is learning a lot from him. 

However, she notices that he occasionally touches her back and squeezes her knees during conversations. Uncomfortable but uncertain about how to address it, Humaira confides in a colleague, who dismisses her concerns, saying that she is perhaps reading too much into this as he is very nice and happily married.  

The next time he sits beside her, she keeps her bag on her knees to protect herself and jerks her shoulder when he touches it. He understands the resistance but keeps doing it anyway, leaving her confused and worried. 

Shaming new mothers

Moeena has a small child at home. She comes to work every day after four months of maternity leave but remains tired because her child has difficulty sleeping at night. 

When she returns to work, looking tired, her female boss comments, "I have also raised children but don't understand why you remain so tired. Don't you have anyone to help at home?" 

Moeena remains quiet while her colleagues advise that things get better with time. 

She remains anxious during her presentations because she feels underprepared. She also does not know whom to speak to as she juggles the constant phone calls from her mother about her child and work pressure.  

Her fingers tremble because she is constantly nervous. This has never happened before and she feels like she has lost all confidence. 

She feels alone at work and home because she remains worried about not performing well at work and losing her job, as she has no one to talk to about this. 

Peer pressure in social media

Nandini wore a beautiful white dress to a wedding with her parents. Her mother bought it for her during Eid, and she has only worn it once. 

When she went to school the next morning, her friends started teasing her, saying she was wearing the same outfit twice, and posted photos on social media. She understood that they were teasing, but it made her feel uncomfortable. She felt like her friends judged her and marked her "poor" just because she wore the same outfit and posted the photo on social media. 

Nandini became so sad that she removed the wedding photos from her wall. She cried herself to sleep that night and was angry at her parents for not buying her a new dress for the wedding. 

The man of the house lecture

Farida is a school teacher and her husband works at a manufacturing. She comes home from work and prepares lunch for her husband and the children. Her husband never seems happy and always complains that her cooking needs improvement. 

He does not want her to work, even though he cannot make ends meet for the family. She does tuition in the evening and then cooks dinner. They had to let go of the maid because keeping her was becoming too expensive. Still, her husband and children expect her to do all the household work and never share them. 

She tried teaching her sons how to fold clothes, but when her husband saw this, he screamed and said, "I am the man of the house, I provide for all of you. My sons will do the same. They are not here to help you fold clothes." Farida remains quiet but is humiliated in front of her sons. 

These are real stories I have heard from women and girls while visiting various workplaces. Non-physical acts such as eye rolls, subtle touches, family noncooperation, and negative body language fall under the category of violence, leaving women and girls feeling humiliated. While violence like these may remain invisible, these behaviours take a massive toll on women in both home and workplace settings. 

Societal systems may not change overnight. However, girls and women must be empowered to stand up for their beliefs and be informed about their rights from an early age. This year's '16 Days of Activism' focuses on 'Invest to Prevent Violence against Women and Girls'. We can initiate this process by examining how we treat our girls and investing time to foster positive change.

Tasmiah T Rahman is an Associate Director at BRAC's Skills Development Programme

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.