Why we need to identify online grooming and act on it

Illustration: TBS

Earlier this month, the entire nation was on edge when 11-year-old Arabi Islam Suba went missing from the capital's Mohammadpur area. Given the prevailing state of law and order in the country, many feared the worst.

The case took an unexpected turn when Suba was eventually found in Naogaon, safe and smiling. According to the police, she had "willingly" traveled there with a 19-year-old boy. In a video interview with a journalist, the minor also revealed that she had met the boy on TikTok.

In the aftermath of the incident, our society — especially the online community — was not particularly kind to the girl. Social media was flooded with criticism, questioning how she could have been involved in a "romantic relationship" with a boy, let alone eloping with him.

Amidst the moral outrage, what many failed to recognise was that Suba, not yet at the age of consent, was not at fault in this situation — she was a victim of "grooming," a form of manipulation by predatory adults, which in this case occurred online.

And of course, with the rise of digital technology and easy internet access, Suba's case is far from an isolated incident. Online grooming is increasing, though specific data remains scarce, as most cases go unreported unless they escalate to abduction, sexual abuse or homicide.

And this is not the reality for Bangladesh only, but also for the rest of the world.

"Most of what we know about grooming has come from victims who were subjected to horrific and often sustained abuse and harm. This is because it is difficult to identify grooming behaviours before an offence such as sexual abuse happens," Professor Michelle McManus, co-director of the Institute for Children's Futures (ICF) at Manchester Metropolitan University, told TBS.

She describes grooming as a process in which perpetrators build trust with their victims through seemingly normal interactions, ultimately exploiting them for sexual, romantic, financial, criminal, or extremist purposes. This can make it difficult for victims and their families or friends to recognise what is happening before it is too late. 

"The media and society often misinterpret victims' behaviours, leading to unacceptable victim-blaming and shaming. This only creates more barriers for future victims coming forward with their abuse experiences, with perpetrators left to reoffend," Professor McManus added. 

This is precisely what happened in Suba's case. Instead of acknowledging that she had been manipulated by an adult, people were quick to blame a minor who legally could not give consent to any form of relationship or elopement.

"Can an 11-year-old, still immersed in the innocence of childhood, truly give informed consent?" Kollol Kibria, an advocate and human rights activist, raised the question before adding, "When an adult influences or coerces a minor, it is not an act of love or free choice but rather manipulation and exploitation."

Legally, this act is a violation. Kibria noted that Section 361 of the law defines kidnapping as the act of taking or enticing a minor (under 14 for boys and under 16 for girls) away from their lawful guardian without consent. 

"This underscores the need to protect minors from such harmful influences," Kollol said.

Yet, instead of focusing on the adult involved in the incident, society directed its outrage toward the minor girl.

"It is disheartening that the entire conversation revolved around blaming the girl, even among women," said Dr Rasheda Rawnak Khan, associate professor of Anthropology at Dhaka University. "Few questioned the crime committed by the adult male."

According to Dr Khan, this reflects the deeply ingrained patriarchal mindset in society, which often overlooks men's faults while placing the burden of morality on women — even when they are minors. "It's the same mindset that blames a woman after divorce while the man escapes scrutiny. Suba's case is another manifestation of this bias."

She also pointed out that had Suba's mother not been a cancer patient, she too would likely have faced blame for not "properly raising her daughter".

Dr Khan further shared her opinion that with smartphones now in everyone's hands, grooming — once limited to offline interactions — is inevitably increasing online as well.

What is concerning is that Bangladesh's legal framework lacks specific provisions to criminalise it and protect children from such exploitation.

"Bangladesh's Cyber Security Act, 2023, does provide some protection under Section 24, which criminalises digital deception and exploitation," Kibria explained. "But it fails to comprehensively address online grooming, which is a slow, calculated process where a child's trust is weaponised."

"Can an 11-year-old, still immersed in the innocence of childhood, truly give informed consent?" Kollol Kibria, an advocate and human rights activist, raised the question before adding, "When an adult influences or coerces a minor, it is not an act of love or free choice but rather manipulation and exploitation."

Meanwhile, the Penal Code, which dates to the colonial era, addresses kidnapping and abduction in various forms, and these laws can potentially cover elements of grooming, informed Barrister Priya Ahsan Chowdhury, advocate at the Supreme Court.

According to her, Section 361 penalises kidnapping minors from guardians, applicable in grooming cases, while Section 362 also addresses abduction through deceit, relevant in online grooming. Additionally, Section 364A targets kidnapping for sexual exploitation, while Sections 366 and 366A cover abduction for forced marriage or illicit intercourse, applicable to grooming of young women.

"The Lanzarote Convention and a European Union directive are the only international laws that require making online grooming of children for sexual purposes a crime, as many abusers now exploit children online without meeting them, often manipulating them into creating and sharing sexual content.

"In 2015, the Lanzarote Committee suggested expanding the definition of grooming to include online-only abuse. Despite this, most countries do not treat online grooming as a specific crime. However, some countries use other laws to prosecute offenders," Barrister Priya added.

But laws alone cannot fully prevent online grooming. A more holistic approach is needed to ensure children's safety and well-being, believes Farhana Mannan, author, researcher and founder of Shoishob — a platform for parent and child awareness.

Mannan explained that in urban settings, working parents often rely on electronic devices to stay connected with their children. Additionally, children increasingly need digital access for education. The issue, she noted, is that many parents lack the technological literacy to monitor and control their children's online exposure.

"Today's parents must learn about positive parenting and adapt to modern realities, including technological advancements," Mannan advised. "If parents do not upgrade their skills and become digitally aware, a generational gap will persist, making children vulnerable to online grooming and other risks."

Professor McManus further emphasised that increasing public awareness about common relationship-building behaviors, such as sharing secrets, exchanging personal details, or going on trips, which can actually be signs of grooming, might help victims (and others) recognise the signs and feel more comfortable discussing their worries with family and friends. 

"Groomers are skilled at isolating their victims from those close to them and this is so much easier to achieve within the online and social media platforms due to higher frequency of communications exchanged over shorter periods of time. 

"So, if you suspect someone is being groomed, the key is to be a patient, supportive, and non-judgmental friend. It may take time for the victim to recognise the manipulation, but keeping communication open will eventually encourage them to share their experiences," she concluded.