Sexual abuse: Warning signs parents should watch out for to keep kids safe

"I was in class two at a school at the time. Our house was built around a courtyard, with several rooms on all sides, each occupied by a different family. Everyone was related. Moving in and out of one another's rooms and sharing meals was very normal. One afternoon, one of my cousins called me to their room. I went there as usual. When I entered, I saw that no one else was inside. Before I could understand anything, he covered my mouth."

Speaking to BBC Bangla, 28-year-old Surabhi recounted the traumatic experience she endured in childhood. A pseudonym has been used to protect her identity and ensure her safety.

She said, "I could not scream then, I could not call anyone. Everything went dark before my eyes. When I grew up, I understood that this is what sexual abuse means," she added.

Very few people speak openly about experiences like Surabhi's. However, child rights activists say a large share of sexual violence or abuse against children in Bangladesh is committed by people known to them, including relatives, neighbours or acquaintances.

The issue of children's safety, both inside and outside the home, has come to the fore again after allegations emerged that a class two girl was raped and killed by a neighbour in Dhaka's Mirpur area.

In particular, questions are being raised over how safe girls are, how families can identify risks and what kind of awareness is needed to keep children safe.

The risk within trusted circles

In the murder case of seven-year-old Ramisa, police have so far said the child was taken to a washroom inside a flat in Mirpur-11, Dhaka, where she was sexually assaulted before being killed.

On 19 May, Dhaka Metropolitan Police Additional Commissioner SN Md Nazrul Islam told reporters that the accused attempted to hide the crime and dispose of the body.

However, he failed to complete his plan after the child's mother sensed something was wrong, and later fled by cutting through the window grille. The incident has created deep concern and discussion on social media.

This is because the flat where the incident took place was next to Ramisa's home, and the people whose names have come up in connection with the incident were her neighbours.

Many people are therefore writing that when it comes to children's safety, not only neighbours but even relatives should not be trusted blindly.

Statistics also point to the same reality. Research shows that in Bangladesh, children are sexually abused or raped by people known to them in around 85% of cases.

In the United States, in 93 out of every 100 incidents of child sexual abuse, the alleged perpetrator is someone known to the child, according to the US-based nonprofit organisation RAINN, which works on rape and violence-related issues.

Among them, 34% are family members and 59% are acquaintances.

The situation is similar in Bangladesh. According to an article by the National Institute of Mental Health, "in around 85% of cases, sexual abusers are a child's relatives, friends or trusted persons."

A 2020 study titled "Child Sexual Abuse in Bangladesh" also said perpetrators are, in most cases, known to the victim.

Political analyst and Dhaka University Professor Zobaida Nasreen conducted a joint study a few years ago on the behaviour of perpetrators and child rape in Bangladesh.

The study found that in most cases of sexual violence against children, family members, relatives or known people were involved, not strangers.

According to the study, in only 25% of sexual violence cases were the perpetrators completely unknown persons; in 33% of cases, the perpetrators were relatives of the child; and in 42% of cases, the accused were known people, such as neighbours, acquaintances or people who regularly visited the home.

Meanwhile, according to the United Nations children's agency UNICEF, one in every eight women in the world experienced rape or sexual abuse before reaching the age of 18.

The agency also says that among the child sexual abuse cases reported every year, a large share of the victims are adolescent girls aged between 14 and 16.

Professor Nasreen told BBC Bangla, "Children are targeted because they cannot speak up."

Rights activists working on women and children's issues also say such crimes often happen by exploiting the trust people place in close relatives.

How deep is the impact of such incidents?

Surabhi, whose story was mentioned at the beginning of this report, told BBC Bangla that she still has not been able to forget that painful memory from her childhood.

"I could not tell anyone at home back then because I had been threatened. As I grew older, I started feeling more and more that I did not fit into society. My confidence kept disappearing. I felt incomplete. I kept thinking about how society would see me if people came to know, especially how my partner would see it after marriage, and I still think about it," she said.

Surabhi's words reflect the kinds of feelings children often go through after experiencing sexual violence.

Psychiatrist Mekhla Sarkar told BBC Bangla in this regard that, "After such an incident, a child may develop depression or anxiety. From that anxiety and depression, the child may become more stubborn or irritable."

"The child may lose focus in studies, may not want to go to school, may develop a sense of inferiority and, in some cases, may become afraid to mix with others," she added.

Not only that, even if children who have faced sexual violence are not diagnosed with any specific illness, they may experience some physical complications.

These may include poor sleep, sudden waking or trembling during sleep, headaches, chest pain, fainting under slight stress, seizures and breathing difficulty.

"In short, the child may develop fear of people. In particular, the child may want to avoid men. That means the child's ability to interact normally with people may be deeply affected," said Mekhla.

What parents should do to keep children safe

Mekhla Sarkar further said families must always stand beside children who have faced sexual violence.

Her advice is that if the warning signs described above suddenly appear in a child, the parents should take the child's behaviour seriously, talk to the child and make the child feel safe without creating any pressure or fear.

If necessary, the child should quickly be taken to a psychiatrist or counsellor.

However, to prevent children from becoming victims of such incidents in the first place, she advised parents to stay alert from early on about certain issues.

In her words, "Sexual violence against children is very common in our country. It happens more often by relatives. So from the beginning, parents must keep track of where the child is going and who the child is going to. This does not mean parents must always stay beside the child. But parents should know where the child is going, and the people the child is with should also know that the parents are keeping watch."

She said children should be taught from the beginning about good touch and bad touch, and they should also be told what to do in such situations.

Her advice is, "From the age of three or four, children should know about their body parts, especially private parts. They should know that no one else is allowed to touch those parts. Only parents may do so while bathing them, or a doctor may do so if the child is ill. No one can remove their clothes. If anyone does such things, the child should move away and scream. Children should be told that not only touching private parts, but any touch that makes them uncomfortable should be met with a 'no', and they should tell their parents."

She said children should also be taught not to go with strangers. For working parents, if they can afford it, she advised keeping children under supervision with the help of CCTV cameras. Even when a tutor teaches a child at home, parents should check in from time to time.

What the law says about child protection

The law currently in force in Bangladesh for child protection is the Women and Children Repression Prevention Act, 2000.

Before 2000, fines were not mandatory in rape cases. Under the Women and Children Repression Prevention Act, 2000, fines were made mandatory.

The law states, "If a woman or child dies as a result of rape committed by any person, or as a result of any other act following the rape, the person shall be punishable with death or rigorous imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable to a fine."

The explanation of the law further states that if a person has sexual intercourse outside marriage with a woman over the age of 16 without her consent, or obtains her consent through fear or deception, or has sexual intercourse with a child under the age of 16 with or without consent, then the person shall be deemed to have committed rape against that woman or child.

In addition, if several people jointly rape a woman or child and the woman or child dies or is injured as a result of the rape, each person in that group shall be punishable with death or rigorous imprisonment for life, along with a fine.

If an attempt is made to cause death or injury after rape, the punishment will be rigorous imprisonment for life and a fine.

If there is an attempt to commit rape, the punishment will be imprisonment for up to 10 years and a fine.

Law exists, but implementation does not

Human rights activists, however, say that although Bangladesh has laws, they are not properly implemented.

Human rights activist Advocate Elina Khan told BBC Bangla, "There is no problem with the law. What is missing is implementation. The law says cases must be completed within 180 days."

But unfortunately, cases involving women and children remain pending for days and years. There is a clause that says 'if, for any reason, the investigation cannot be completed'. That clause is being used," she added.

"The law says the charge sheet must be submitted within 30 days. Then why does it take the police so long to prepare a charge sheet? Why do 90 days pass? We, the general public, think the police submitted the charge sheet and the accused got out through the court. But if the police leave gaps in the charge sheet, then that is what will happen. In other words, there is a lack of sincerity in implementation."

She also said there is now a tendency in Bangladesh to kill victims after rape because if a child survives, the child may speak about the abuse.

She added that many such incidents never come to light. "The main complication happens within the family. Members say, what has happened has happened, it is shameful for us, now cover it up. They think the girl will not get married, and we have to live here."

BBC Bangla also spoke to Advocate Salma Ali on the issue.

According to her, "In Bangladesh, girls face risks everywhere. They are not safe either inside or outside the home. But in such incidents, families try to hide the matter. In most cases, going to the police station is discouraged out of fear of being victimised again."

"And the environment in our police stations is not what it should be. We do not have enough good police officers. Police stations do not have a women-friendly environment," she added.

Human rights activists say specialised courts and adequate infrastructure are needed to ensure speedy trials in child abuse cases.

According to them, visible punishment will create fear among perpetrators.

In addition, they say the coordinated role of families, schools, communities and the state is essential for children's safety.

Due to a lack of coordination among them, shortage of manpower and insufficient monitoring, effective action cannot be taken in many such cases.

They also believe that the media, human rights organisations and women's rights organisations need to play an active role in this regard.