Social Anxiety When Restrictions Ease

It's been a long time since we entered the era of lockdown, social distancing, COVID 19, restrictions, and limiting contact. It might seem that going back to normal doesn't seem so normal anymore. One of my amazing students said something that we are all thinking about. How to reduce the social anxiety that we feel when meeting friends and family we have known for such a long time? People we used to spend time with now don't seem natural. Apparently, we can lose social skills when we are not interacting.

Social anxiety disorder is a fear of social situations and includes worrying about meeting strangers, how to act with groups of friends, and generally feeling self-conscious. It can make everyday life extremely difficult and can manifest physically by causing sweating, palpitations, or panic attacks.

Don't be fooled by social media and think – everyone is thriving. Social media doesn't represent reality.

Tips to deal with social anxiety:

• You can't avoid social situations all the time so pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is a must. Our comfort zones are those that we have created and to which we have been exposed a lot. You can do the same with social situations. It can become your comfort zone.

• Start small – 20-30 minutes with friends and family.

• Perfectionism and social anxiety often go hand in hand. Everything that you say and everything you do doesn't have to be perfect. Make a point of being imperfect and taking chances for a day.

• Replace "What others think of me" with "What do I think of others".

• Be present – thinking about it takes a lot of energy and it doesn't actually change anything.

• If you have to attend a large event, such as a party or conference, bring a close friend or family member along with you for support. Just having a familiar person close can make a huge difference in your confidence levels. If you start to feel overwhelmed, turn to your friend and try to keep your mind off your nerves.

• Do everything in your power to ensure that poor physical health is not contributing to your problems with anxiety. Exercise regularly (including cardiovascular exercise and weight training) and eat a healthy, balanced diet.

• Write a list of situations that trigger social anxiety. Once you've identified your triggers, write them down. Then, look at your list and arrange the triggers from least threatening to most threatening. At the bottom of the list might be making eye contact while speaking, in the middle may be asking a stranger for directions; the top of the list might be asking someone to a dinner date or singing karaoke.

• If you struggle to rank your fears, try assigning them numbers. Give a 1 to "scary" triggers, a 2 to "quite scary," and a 3 to "terrifying." Give your fears funny names.

• Start tackling your list. Make a goal to tackle one list item every week. Start with the items you gave a "1" rating, and work up the list. You want to start with the more manageable items first and build your confidence as you attempt more and more challenging items.

• Remember that you get credit for just trying–you may need more than one attempt to succeed. Every 'failure' is one step closer to succeeding.

• Congratulate and reward yourself.

• Assign less value to the responses of others. Lots of anxiety comes from feelings of being judged. Other people may not always agree with you or respond to you, but this is not a reflection of you or your abilities. Everyone experiences social interactions where they get along with other people great, and times where they don't hit it off. It's just part of life and has nothing to do with how likable you are.

• "Focus your energy on being interested in the other person, showing empathy and kindness towards them rather than being stuck inside your anxious mind.

• Drink chamomile tea to soothe your nerves.

If you don't succeed immediately, keep on trying.

The writer is Secondary social emotional counsellor, International School Dhaka.