When not smoking becomes your biggest barrier to fit in

The other day, I was having evening snacks with two of my colleagues in our office cafeteria. Since we're all journalists, our conversation revolved around current affairs both locally and globally, and we began discussing ways to cover them more effectively. 

Anyone familiar with the Bangalee concept of "adda" surely knows how creative ideas often emerge from casual conversations like this rather than formal brainstorming sessions.

However, our discussion that evening was abruptly interrupted when my colleagues decided to take a smoke break, leaving me behind as I neither smoke nor can tolerate cigarette smoke. 

While they continued their discussion in the smoking zone, I remained on the outskirts. Eventually, they came up with a great idea and worked on it to produce a brilliant report. Unfortunately, I was the one to have missed out on the opportunity.

It could be argued that it is my non-smoking habit that let me down on this particular occasion. And you know what, this was in no way an isolated event. More often than not, my non-smoking habit has been a hindrance for me to fit in various parts of my life. 

I have been experiencing such moments of feeling left out since at least ninth grade when some of my friends took up the habit. Up until that point, we used to either play cricket, visit the public library to read books or explore our small town and nearby areas by riding our bicycles after school and coaching classes.

However, once my friends became full-time smokers, they added a new task to their daily routine: finding a safe place to smoke freely, since obviously, ninth graders were not allowed to do it openly in public spaces.

As a result, it became a frequent affair for me to become detached from them whenever smoking took precedence on their priority list. 

Due to this, I often even felt somewhat inferior to my friends who smoked, as I believed I didn't have as much courage as them. This feeling created a significant distance between me and some of my close friends, which I could never fully bridge again.

Even during my time at Dhaka University, I couldn't fully embrace the TSC tongs or Campus Shadow behind Kalabhaban because the main attraction was going to those places to smoke before, after, and in between classes.

Since I wasn't a smoker, I couldn't partake in many of the "intellectual debates" that university students tend to romanticise. Still, now, I deeply regret the fact that I missed out on many wonderful moments in my university life simply because I couldn't tolerate the smell of cigarettes.

Even as I have stepped into professional life now, I can see that it's easier to use the smoking sessions to break the ice with your new colleagues. 

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that smoking together can create a bond not only with peers but also with seniors and sometimes even bosses, over a cigarette or vape.

On many occasions, you may find yourself alone with your seniors or bosses in the smoking zone, being presented with the best opportunity to engage in conversation, share your unique ideas and gain valuable insights from them. It's one of those rare occasions when you can effortlessly showcase yourself to your superiors and get noticed easily.

But as always, I am deprived of such opportunities too. This is to say if being a highly introverted and socially awkward person wasn't enough, being a non-smoker is certainly the last nail in your coffin.

With all this being said, do I regret not smoking? Do I have any intentions of starting? 

I would humbly say "no" to both inquiries. 

Despite any fear of missing out due to my non-smoking habit, I am equally proud of myself. Because, undoubtedly, smoking does kill.

Jannatul Naym Pieal, Sketch: TBS

Jannatul Naym Pieal is a journalist working at the Business Standard. 

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.