Motherhood on her own terms

Motherhood is often synonymous with sacrifice. But what if, instead, we saw it as a space for choice, where a mother, like any other human being, desires and deserves more?

I chose to become a mother at 34, a deliberate decision made after I had achieved professional milestones. I envisioned a life where career and motherhood could coexist.

The reality was challenging. My audit firm and my son were born within months of each other. The initial years are a blur of sleep deprivation and relentless demands. A pivotal piece of advice from a friend, a privilege not everyone has, shifted my perspective: to focus on quality time with my son and entrust day-to-day care to others. I embraced this, redefining my role not as the sole caregiver, but as a present and engaged mother.

This ethos extended to my work. The lessons learned from a Mother's Day contest at Herstory Foundation, a platform I founded for women's stories, were revealing. Young women overwhelmingly cited their mothers as role models, primarily for their sacrifices. This sparked a concern: should sacrifice be the sole measure of a mother's worth? Shouldn't we also celebrate their ambitions and achievements?

The interconnectedness of motherhood and career became starkly evident when my kindergarten-aged son struggled with literacy. My world narrowed to work and home, dedicating a year to support his learning. This intense period unexpectedly led to the creation of CholPori, a testament to how maternal challenges can fuel innovation.

Through this, I've learned to confront the pervasive "mom guilt." This feeling of inadequacy surfaces when work demands clash with a child's needs, or when we feel responsible for things beyond our control. From my son's dust allergy in Dhaka to the unwarranted comments about his growth spurts—none of it is my fault. The tendency to attribute his successes to his paternal lineage while implying my failure for his struggles is a stark reminder of societal biases.

Motherhood has profoundly shaped me, but not solely through sacrifice. It has ignited a fierce protectiveness, a powerful drive to advocate, and a profound belief in the possibility of a fulfilling life encompassing career and family. It has taught me resilience against guilt, the value of presence over constant doing, and the truth that a mother's greatest gift might be the example of a woman who dares to live fully. This Mother's Day, let's celebrate mothers' multifaceted strengths and aspirations, redefining motherhood not as a limitation but as a powerful catalyst for growth and the audacious pursuit of having it all, or choosing not to. Because it's not about having it all—it's about having what's true to her. Whether she chooses ambition, stillness, sacrifice, or self-fulfilment, the only thing that truly matters is that she lives her life on her terms.