How divorce is a gender-based nightmare

Thousands of centuries worth of stories have always referred to annulment of a courtship (more commonly recognised as divorce) a persisting taboo. From the homes of the très elite to the craptastic slums of the poor, the 'shame' of separation runs deep in every household, by distinct levels. 

Despite how discouraged marital separation is, it has been on an increasing rise over the past decades. Factors like oppression, wealth instability, misunderstanding, manipulation, lack of time, respect or behavioural approach weighs in heavily on initiating divorce cases. 

The likelihood of experiencing friction against divorce exceeds when one belongs in a deeply-rooted patriarchal family. Statistically, women tend to suffer more economically, socially, emotionally and professionally both in pre-divorce and post-divorce timelines. 

In a domain where we find interest in blaming, particularly women, the burden of the broken marriage has to be lifted on the female majority's shoulders. Societal norms have been created in such a way that, disparaging any sensible argument a female partner makes, becomes a 'reflex' for the listener. 

What is worse on top of the already existing unfairness is that women are more likely to be told to 'reclaim' their decision on divorce. Reclaiming a stance like this, indirectly indicates to stick your claws into the marriage until you completely fall apart because of it. For society, it is a spectacle. A spectacle for them to judge, criticise and denigrate any chance they could possibly get. 

Illustration: TBS

A grand scheme of questions arises, 'what will the society say?', 'You could have tried a little harder' or if it happens to be a succeeding woman in her 30s, 'You did not compromise enough to make it last'. 

As easy as it is for the society or even the beloved people to paint the black sheep in a broken marriage, women tend to excruciatingly suffer from it (even in their close circles). Maybe the only way one could really surpass from the weight of all the judgement is to put blinds on their ears.  

A divorced woman is often labelled as being rebellious. A 'wife material' when handling house-work, managing their children and maintaining courtship with the in-laws, but a 'rebel' if she dares to have her voice heard. 

Apathetic judgement from co-workers, ambiguous behaviour from your usual over-friendly friends, failing to get deserved promotions, are proof that beyond all the other misconduct women have to face, divorce just accentuates their agony. 

A divorcee is ostracised from the community, barred from giving any significant opinion, living a certain way or choosing to be a certain way. What earlier decades taught us were the immense hardships our ancestors made to make things last. This could easily fall under circumstances of lack of education, self-respect or self-satisfaction. 

The way our generation views hardships or knows the limit of so, has grown into a wonderful yet understanding stance. Education, exposure and experiences were keys to make us acknowledge morality, the right/wrong, the yin and yang and eventually, the tolerable manner we could expect from our significant other. We do not settle, we change and outgrow to be better. 

Hence, if divorce cases are on the rise, it is justifiably so. 

Nazifa Tabassum can be reached at tabassumnazifa160@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.