Give to Gain: A daughter's lesson in independence, caregiving and choosing her own path

At 35, I am not married.

In Bangladesh, that sentence often invites concern, curiosity or quiet judgement. For many women here, life is expected to follow a predictable timeline: education, marriage, children. When a woman approaches forty without marriage, people often assume something must be wrong – that she has waited too long, chosen poorly, or somehow failed to fulfil a social expectation.

But I do not feel incomplete. I feel whole.

Much of that has to do with the woman I call Ammu.

This International Women's Day, the theme "Give to Gain" resonates deeply with me. It speaks to a truth I have witnessed throughout my life: when women give strength, courage and independence to the people around them, what they gain in return is far greater – dignity, resilience and generations shaped by that example.

My story begins with my mother.

She was a government employee who worked tirelessly to support our family. My father was also in government service, but circumstances often made his career unstable. Office politics and professional setbacks meant he spent long periods away from steady work.

So the responsibility of keeping the family together fell largely on my mother's shoulders.

She raised my brother and me while carrying the financial and emotional weight of the household. Like many families, ours had tensions. There were times when the pressure was so intense that my parents almost separated.

But my mother held the family together.

She endured more than most people knew. Yet she continued to wake up every morning, go to work, return home and build a life for her children.

Only much later did I realise how much she had sacrificed along the way.

Before becoming a government employee, my mother had once dreamed of becoming a lawyer. But like many women of her generation, she set aside her own ambitions for the needs of the family. Stability mattered more than personal dreams. Responsibility came first.

Still, even as she sacrificed her own path, she never wanted her daughter to live with the same limitations.

Instead, she taught me something far more valuable: independence.

From a young age, I watched her navigate the world with determination. She managed finances, made decisions and carried responsibilities that society often assumes belong to men.

Without ever giving a lecture about feminism or empowerment, she showed me what it meant for a woman to stand on her own feet.

I grew up believing that independence was not extraordinary for a woman – it was simply necessary.

As a journalist today, I spend much of my time observing society and telling stories about the world around me. Yet the most powerful lessons about strength and dignity were taught to me at home, by the woman I call Ammu.

Perhaps that is why I have never been afraid of living alone.

Over the years, I have tried to find a life partner. I am not someone who has rejected the idea of marriage altogether. Like many people, I once imagined building a life with someone who would walk beside me.

But finding the right person is not always easy.

My mother gave me something that protects me even now: instinct.

Because of the way she raised me, I have learned to recognise red flags from far away. I have walked away from situations that might have brought unhappiness or harm.

Many women are told that marriage itself is the goal, regardless of whether it brings fulfillment. I was taught something different: it is better to wait than to suffer.

When relatives occasionally raise the topic of my marriage, the person who protects me the most is my own mother.

She simply says, "She will marry when she is ready. And if she never finds the right person, living alone is far better than marrying the wrong one and suffering for a lifetime."

Not every woman in Bangladesh is fortunate enough to hear that from her family.

My brother feels the same way. We were both raised by a woman who believed strength and self-respect matter more than social expectations.

Perhaps that is the greatest gift she gave us.

Today my mother is 72. She is mostly healthy, though age brings its own small complications. Over time, our relationship has evolved into something unique – a bond where love and responsibility flow in both directions.

I often say that my mother is now like my child.

I manage her appointments, her daily needs and many of the responsibilities. Since my university years, caring for her has been a natural part of my life.

Some people see this as sacrifice.

I see it as a choice.

Caring for a parent who once carried you through life is not a burden. It is a quiet form of gratitude.

And in many ways, it reflects the spirit of "Give to Gain".

My mother gave her strength to our family when we needed it most. In return, she raised children who learned how to stand strong themselves.

She gave us independence, and what she gained was a family that stands beside her today.

Her resilience shaped the kind of woman I became – someone who believes that marriage is not the only destiny for women, that independence is not loneliness, and that dignity is worth protecting.

Bangladesh is changing. More women are pursuing education, careers and independent lives. Yet the expectations surrounding marriage still weigh heavily on many.

Too often, a woman's worth is still measured by whether she has found a husband rather than by the life she has built.

But every woman's path is different.

Some women find happiness in marriage and family life. Others build fulfilling lives through careers, friendships and personal passions. Many do both.

What matters is choice.

For me, independence was not something I discovered on my own. It was a gift passed down from one woman to another.

My mother's strength transformed our family.

And in doing so, she proved something powerful: when women are given the freedom to stand strong, everyone around them benefits.

This is what "Give to Gain" truly means.

When a mother gives her daughter courage, that daughter grows up believing she deserves dignity.

When a woman gives her family resilience, she raises children who value respect and equality.

When society gives women the space to make their own choices, the entire community becomes stronger.

At 35, I do not know whether I will marry someday. I remain open to the possibility of meeting someone who will walk beside me with kindness and respect.

But I am not waiting for marriage to give my life meaning.

That meaning already exists – in my work, in my independence and in the quiet evenings spent with Ammu, the woman who taught me that strength can be inherited.

This Women's Day, as the world talks about "Give to Gain", I think of the greatest gift I ever received.

My mother gave me the courage to live life on my own terms.

And because of that gift, I gained something far more valuable than approval or expectation.

I gained freedom.