The cautionary changing landscape of divorce and social norms in Bangladesh

Illustration: TBS

In Bangladesh, where conservative values dominate, divorce has long been stigmatised. However, in urban areas, a societal shift is emerging, driven by education, urbanisation, and evolving gender roles. Therefore, divorce rates are rising. 

A global trend now surfacing in Bangladesh is "grey divorce"—the breakup of marriages after 25 years or more. This demographic is seeing separations due to longer life expectancies, empty nests, and the search for personal fulfilment.

As the founder of a foundation and media platform dedicated to women's well-being and the SDGs, I've encountered countless women seeking counsel. There are a few divorces, whose narratives illustrate not only the personal toll of failed marriages, but also the societal factors that contribute to this rising phenomenon.

The rich man's lesson

One case introduced by our TV host, a lawyer, involved a wealthy man who refused to support his five-year-old son financially after divorcing his wife. Despite belonging to one of the richest families, this man used his financial power to control and punish his wife. 

He had a controlling personality, severe OCD, and reacted explosively when his wife didn't submit to his will, both whimsically and physically. After spending $5 million on his second marriage, he eventually consented to child support after much advocacy.

In a particularly shocking display of callousness, the man flaunted his newfound wealth, treating his new wife to luxury vacations and high-end gifts, while his own son was left without basic necessities. 

This case highlights a disturbing trend among affluent men in Bangladesh, who use their financial power to control their families, often denying their responsibilities.

The betrayed wife

Another case involved a Bangladeshi-American couple married for over 30 years. The devoted wife, who had always supported her husband and his family, discovered her husband's multiple affairs when she visited him in Dhaka. 

What she found was devastating—her husband had been involved with several younger women, some of whom were barely in their twenties. He had secret rendezvous with these women in their marital home and spent lavishly on gifts and outings while she remained unaware.

When she confronted her in-laws, they dismissed her concerns, claiming that, as his wife, her only duty was to serve him unconditionally. As if the emotional betrayal wasn't enough, the situation escalated into violence, with both her husband and mother-in-law physically assaulting her. 

After weeks in the hospital, she discovered that her mother-in-law had emptied her bank accounts, and her husband had seized two of her apartments.

The legal battle that followed was gruelling. Corruption, bribed witnesses, and a lack of concrete evidence made it nearly impossible for her to find justice. 

Broken and isolated, she was forced to relive the trauma of her husband's affairs and the abuse she suffered. She now deeply regrets not managing her finances herself and believes that every wife should oversee her own assets to avoid falling victim to such exploitation.

The socialite couple

Among Bangladesh's elite, I met a couple on their second marriages. The man, whose wealth compensated for his unremarkable appearance, and his wife, an outgoing and boastful woman, seemed to have everything—status, wealth, and a busy social life. But beneath the surface, their marriage was crumbling.

The wife's flamboyant nature and public displays of superiority over her husband led to frequent humiliations. In front of friends and at social gatherings, she ridiculed his past, boasted about her beauty, and openly flirted with other men, including married ones. 

Her need for attention drove her to pursue extramarital affairs, and she seemed more interested in impressing others than nurturing her marriage. 

Eventually, the cracks in their relationship became too wide to ignore, and they divorced. The aftermath was equally tragic. The wife became embroiled in scandals, stealing luxury items from friends and continuing her illicit affairs. 

The husband, meanwhile, descended into a life of drugs and alcoholism. He was often seen surrounded by models, exchanging his wealth for their company—an open secret in elite circles where beauty is traded for financial support.

This serves as a cautionary tale for modern couples. No amount of wealth, beauty, or social clout can fill the void left by a lack of genuine care, communication, and respect in a marriage.

The woman who survived

In one of the most chilling cases, a woman survived a brutal attack from her husband. Her head, nose, and cheek were fractured, the result of minor infractions like arriving home ten minutes late or under-seasoning the curry. 

Disturbingly, many on social media justified the abuse, claiming that her past interactions with her former husband—whom she shares a son with—made her deserving of such treatment.

What was even more alarming was that the husband's religious piety shielded him from any accountability. His image as a devout man convinced many that he couldn't possibly be in the wrong. Society's dangerous mindset used his outward appearance of religiosity to justify his actions, while the woman was vilified for her past.

This story is a stark reminder that no woman should tolerate abuse, and no family should pressure their daughters to stay in harmful relationships for the sake of appearances. Every woman deserves to feel safe, respected, and loved, regardless of societal expectations.

The path forward

Over the past decade, women in Bangladesh have gained autonomy through social change and economic independence. More women are leaving marriages that no longer serve them emotionally or financially. 

A major factor in rising divorce rates is the lack of communication between spouses. In traditional households, emotions and frustrations are often ignored. Counselling, which has been effective in other countries, could help prevent some divorces, though Bangladesh's mental health sector remains underdeveloped.

The future of divorce in Bangladesh will depend on balancing progressive reforms with traditional values. As more women gain financial independence, divorce rates will likely continue to rise, particularly in urban centres. However, societal judgement, legal hurdles, and emotional scars still stand in the way of true freedom.

If men take on more supportive roles and if both partners commit to open communication, the institution of marriage in Bangladesh can evolve without losing its integrity.

Alisha Pradhan. Sketch: TBS

Alisha Pradhan is the founder of HerNet TV and the HerNet Foundation. 

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.