'Perfection without the connection': How AI is becoming a digital wingman

Dmitry, a 35-year-old from Miami, stared at the profile of a woman he matched with on a dating app, unsure how to initiate a conversation. So for help, he opened Rizz, an AI-powered app that bills itself as a pocket dating assistant.

After sending screenshots of his match's profile — which mentions her love of ski slopes, summer concerts and a great bottle of wine — Dmitry (who asked to be referred to by his first name only to protect his privacy) prompted Rizz to generate a smooth opening line. The results were immediate. "I'm into all of those activities," he messaged, at Rizz's suggestion. "Now the hard part is to figure out which one would be the perfect first date."

"Rizz gives me some quirky, funny responses," Dmitry says of the app, which he credits with helping him progress out of the talking stage and into in-person dates. "It helps me spark a conversation with something a little bit interesting that will get their attention."

More people may be on the receiving end of AI-generated messages than they realize. Just over a quarter of US adults — including nearly half of Gen Z — are using AI to filter matches and write messages, according to a recent survey by the Kinsey Institute and Match Group (which owns Tinder, Hinge, and several other online dating platforms).

Another app that hopeful daters turn to is YourMove AI, which offers AI dating assistants that help users craft dating profiles, respond to matches, and even enhance their photos for $12.99 per month.

Dmitri Mirakyan, the founder of YourMove AI, says he created the platform in 2022 for people who are shy, feel socially awkward, or struggle to navigate what he calls the weird dynamics on dating apps. "It feels so transactional ... the rates of rejection, people just don't reply, people are ghosting," he says. "It still feels mentally painful."

While such apps have helped users like Dmitry progress to in-person dates, they also raise a paradox: Can something artificial really foster authenticity? For some, the answer becomes clear the moment the conversation starts to seem just a little too polished.

Sophie Sherwin, a 52-year-old writer based in London, says she was chatting with a potential love interest through TikTok direct messages when she received what she described as an overly poetic and romantic response. It was then that she began to suspect the messages might have been generated by ChatGPT.

"His answers were just too good to be true," she says. "They were perfect, and people aren't perfect."

Rizz App screenshot

Though the person never admitted to using ChatGPT, Sherwin says she wouldn't have minded if they were honest about it. Connecting with another human being is the whole point of dating — something she says felt removed when she suspected AI had entered the conversation.

"I think the danger is that you could potentially fall in love with perfection," Sherwin says. "You know, perfection without the connection."

New York-based dating coach Grace Lee says the focus needs to be on helping people learn how to communicate with each other. She uses AI and VR to simulate dates for her clients, giving them a space to practice common dating situations so they can be better prepared for the real thing.

"These apps have spent ... millions of dollars perfecting the algorithm, perfecting the user experience," she says, "but they spent zero dollars on helping people really learn to talk about themselves."

Gary Lewandowski, a relationship expert and psychology professor based in New Jersey, advises people to rely on themselves to write their profile and messages — unless they are truly stuck.

"The fact of the matter is at some point you're going to have to go on an actual real, live date with somebody and the real you is showing up," he says. "And so, you have to become comfortable with who you are."