The Super Mario Bros: A harmless, generic blur of kid’s 'content'

The Super Mario Bros poster. Photo: Collected

Video game adaptations are having a bit of a moment. In the last few years, we've seen beloved franchises brought to the big screen with irreverent flair in Detective Pikachu and the Sonic movies. We've seen action-packed sci-fi worlds hit the small screen with impressive scale in Showtime's Halo series. 

Most notably, earlier this year, HBO's The Last of Us gave us the first prestige TV series adapted from a popular game. Not to mention a few forgettable, empty action vehicles along the way (Uncharted). There's even a Tetris movie out right now.

Enter The Super Mario Bros. Movie. Based on Nintendo's smash-hit game sensation, the 3D animated adventure brings our favourite floating-box jumping, gold-coin-collecting plumbers to life. Directors Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic's film follows the fantastical origin story of brothers Mario (Chris Pratt, whose voice thankfully doesn't attract too much attention to itself) and Luigi (the far more capable voice actor, Charlie Day, who should be the lead of this movie.)

We open in Brooklyn, New York where Mario and Luigi are actual plumbers who actually call themselves the Super Mario Bros. Having opened their own plumbing business, the two struggle to make a name for themselves. 

This quieter NYC-based opening leg of the film is dangerously at risk of being more interesting and enjoyable than any of the magical fantasy stuff that follows. The misadventures of two wacky, sincere plumbers trying to be taken seriously in the big city? Give me that movie.

While trying to fix a burst pipe under the streets of Brooklyn, true to the game, our two Italian plumber protagonists discover a secret gateway to a magical world where they must defeat the evil turtle-bad-guy-leader Bowser (Jack Black) who's threatening to take over the place. (Seriously, who first came up with this stuff, what were they smoking and where can I get some??) Right on queue, as if the movie was pre-empting my question, Mario lands in the 'Mushroom Kingdom'. 

But he's been separated from Luigi, who got lost on the way and landed up in Bowser's territory. To save his brother, Mario must find Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) to help him rescue Luigi and defeat the evil Bowser.

There's no lack of visual flair in The Super Mario Bros Movie. The vibrant colour, the familiar whimsical world full of floating blocks, power-ups, and secret tunnels. It also has the right level of kinetic energy to keep things constantly in motion, jumping from one gag and/or action sequence to another. But it's far less imaginative and encouraging on paper.

Everything that takes place between the initial setup to the (mostly) fun final battle plods along with little personality. We get Mario and Princess Peach going on an 'adventure' across different landscapes made up of shoddy worldbuilding that can only be described as 'blurry-non-descript-much-wow-magical' stuff.

While the pointlessness of a tired 30-year-old film critic writing about a harmless, cosy, kids' movie isn't lost on me – we also happen to live in the golden age of kids' movies that are just as appealing to adults. Granted, The Super Mario Bros movie was never going to have the heartbreaking sincerity and emotional ambition of a Pixar film. 

But what it is missing is the zany, self-aware comedy that has made the made-for-children genre so enjoyable in recent years. We live in a post-Shrek world. In the twenty years since our favourite ogre, DreamWorks animation has given us the likes of Madagascar, Kung Fu Panda, The Croods, the delightful and sorely underrated gem that is Monsters Vs Aliens, and a whole lot more.

Writer Matthew Fogel's script is desperately in need of what Hollywood calls a punch-up - getting comedy writers in to funny up the proceedings. And there's so much untapped comedic potential here with many inherently funny ideas that are lightly danced around but barely explored. Fred Armisen as the lovably theatrical leader of the apes. 

For what it's worth, I do appreciate the film's attempt at making the Princess a badass warrior with plenty of her own ass-kicking to do rather than just another damsel in need of saving. Instead, the damsel duties here are awarded to Luigi. He's the far more interesting, endearing character with the more touching arc – stumbling, constantly nervous, plagued by fear and forever relying on his brother to back him up. That is until he's forced to rise to the occasion and find his courage. But here, he's sidelined by his bland, more uninteresting brother.

A harmless, generic blur of kids 'content', The Super Mario Bros movie isn't one to enjoy with your kids, as much as it is one you're forced to sit through because of them. Do children not deserve better than a 90-minute blur of cotton candy action? I guess the bajillion dollars this movie will no doubt do at the box office suggests otherwise.