From prenups to secret bank accounts, romance gets a financial reality check

Combine love with money and you get a potent mix of romantic ideal and financial reality.

According to a recent WalletHub survey, modern couples are navigating everything from prenuptial agreements to secret bank accounts.

Chip Lupo, an analyst with WalletHub, spoke with Reuters about the ways Americans are tackling financial compatibility, privacy and shared budgets in today's economy.

This interview is edited and condensed.

What is the most surprising finding in this ​survey?

Three in four Americans believe a prenup is good for a relationship. That number is staggering to me.

The notion of two people getting together in matrimony and building something from nothing is ‌almost an antiquated concept nowadays. The economy has a lot to do with that -- people are getting married later, and sometimes not at all.

So, people are coming into relationships with their own net worth and protecting that seems to be as important as building the relationship.

Is there a point when couples should have the prenup conversation? How do you raise it without feeling like you're setting yourself up for failure?

Financial standing has become more of a first-date conversation.

People are talking about their income, their projected income, five-year ​plans in terms of finance and career goals early on.

And it's the internet age -- it's not hard to check someone's credit report through public records.

People are looking to see: Has this person ​filed for bankruptcy? What's their credit score?

More than one in four Americans have a financial account their partner doesn't know about. Is that a red flag, or can ⁠secret accounts be a healthy form of independence?

Having a separate account is good in a way -- for gift-giving or surprising your spouse. If you share an account and see an unexplained charge, that might trigger an argument. But ​I don't think you should hide a separate account from your partner altogether.

What's the difference between financial privacy and financial infidelity? Where do you draw the line?

Financial infidelity is being literally unfaithful with your finances -- siphoning off money for ​a big-ticket item your spouse wouldn't approve of, or even supporting another partner financially. That's a bad thing.

Financial privacy, with limitations -- having a separate account -- I think that's okay, as long as it doesn't get in the way of your everyday expenses.

Nearly one in three people believe sharing a financial account leads to more money problems than it solves. What do you think is the best structure -- fully joint, fully separate or a hybrid model?

The hybrid model. There should be at least one account for household ​expenses, with part of that budget set aside for emergencies.

Each partner should also be entitled to their own account. You don't want to spend your whole life working just to pay bills -- you want to be able ​to do something for yourself, whether that's a weekend with friends or going to a game.

I think one account should definitely be set aside for household expenses, with each partner contributing equally.

This data point surprised me: 72% of Americans say ‌financial disagreements are ⁠worse for a relationship than political ones. Why do you think money fights cut deeper?

There's a correlation between financial and political disagreements, since a lot of political arguments are really about finances -- inflation, taxes, spending.

But financial disagreements are more personal in a relationship, because political ideology is often a secondary argument that may not affect you directly in the moment.

Honestly, I would have thought that number would be even higher -- financial arguments can get heated fast and do a lot to deteriorate a relationship quickly.

What's a practical strategy couples can use to de-escalate a money argument before it becomes a bigger issue?

More than four in five Americans believe couples should share a budget, and I ​think that's a starting point -- not just sharing it, ​but regularly reviewing it together.

Set up a ⁠time, whether it's the first of the month or payday, so both parties know what's going in, what's going out and what needs to be adjusted. That way nobody gets blindsided by an unforeseen charge.

I'm glad to see some 80% of people say poor financial literacy is a turn-off in a partner. Has financial compatibility become as important ​as other dating criteria, like humour or ambition?

Being financially responsible sometimes comes down to common sense more than financial literacy itself. But I do think it's important ​that you understand the concepts. ⁠

That 80% figure puts financial literacy right up there with spirituality and family life when it comes to what people prioritize in relationships nowadays.

Do you think opposites attract when it comes to money -- one person's a spender, the other a saver?

I think opposites can work, as long as there's compatibility in other areas. There's a temptation to think, "I can change him" or "I can keep her from overspending," and a lot of times that doesn't work.

That's a mistake people make when evaluating ⁠a potential partner.

Anything ​else from the survey you think is important to highlight?

One in four people think their relationship is limiting their financial growth. I ​thought that was an interesting stat -- particularly for younger couples who might feel they'd be better off financially if they weren't with their current partner, and vice versa.

In a lot of cases, that comes down to mobility -- where you live and what opportunities are available.

If you're ​near a city like New York with lots of options, but your partner has more of an agriculture-based background, for example, that can limit things. Locale has a lot to do with it.