From wrong numbers to right swipes: How modern romance plays out on dating apps

Illustration: TBS

It was the late 1980s. Mahmuda was sitting on the sofa reading a novel, her home's rotary dial telephone next to it on a table. The phone rang. She looked around to see if anyone else was there to answer, but she was home alone that late afternoon.

Mahmuda picked up, finding an unfamiliar voice on the other end. Curious at first and cautious later, she asked if the caller had gotten the wrong number. The stranger replied, "Is getting a wrong number such a bad thing, since I got to hear your sweet voice?"

Young Mahmuda, whose social life mostly meant visiting her friend's house next door once a week, was intrigued. She continued talking, and the conversation lasted over an hour. What began as a misdial soon became a daily routine. The two strangers formed a friendship that gradually turned into a relationship.

"It felt good, like a refreshing change from my usual life at any average brown household. I was under constant regulation. I loved him, and it was such a thrill to get his calls. These hide-and-seek phone calls went on for three months, and we decided to meet in person, and I told him we both should wear red to find each other," shared Mahmuda, who is now in her late 50s.

It is a tool for me to meet new people. Most people cannot hold conversations, but sometimes some people match the energy. It is like using a social media account, but for dating. I would love to meet someone in person if it happens naturally, but till then, the apps will do.

Rahul, 32

Fast-forward to today, connecting with strangers in hopes of love has now moved on to dating platforms.

When dating apps arrived in Bangladesh, they were used quietly at first, but slowly they became a mainstream option for singles to explore. 

Tinder and Bumble, the most popular dating apps, are quite similar. On Tinder, anyone can start the conversation when matched, and on Bumble, only women are allowed to initiate.

Much like the "wrong number" days, when people would strike up conversations with strangers, the practice has simply adapted to modern times. Now, upgraded features mean you can swipe, like, and message someone only if both parties agree. Consent is clearer.

Inaya, 22, downloaded Bumble out of boredom as her introverted nature made it difficult to make new connections. Getting 10+ likes a day, it did not take long for her to get a few matches, and she started her first conversation with Shayan expecting her epic Tinder romance to begin. 

"I thought this was it. The conversation was flowing, and we bantered. When we met, the sparks were there, and it was all good for a month. Then he started being distant, he would reply to texts hours later and just say he had been busy," said Inaya.

When Inaya would want to know why he was being distant, Shayan would get defensive and claim he did not get enough space for himself, which was ironic because in the first month, he would constantly text or want to be on video calls. 

The situation became clearer when, weeks later, Inaya went to meet her friend, and, as they were updating each other's dating lives, Inaya found out who Shayan had been so busy with. A clear heartbreak for both friends, they decided to block Shayan and get back to their next match. 

Rahul, 32, joined a dating app because meeting people organically had become limited. With office and home as his only two Uber destinations, he decided to search for love online.

Yet, even with simple features, the person on the other side is still human — and that brings its own complications. You must work out what they are looking for, and whether the chemistry is limited to texting or exists in real life too.

After multiple first dates, one woman insisted he must know how to drive to keep her interested, another refused to share food, and one he clicked with on text but remained awkward in person, so Rahul deleted the app. But boredom, paired with less chance of meeting people offline, soon drew him back. The cycle continued.

His parents tried setting him up in arranged marriage meetings. Yet, the same problems he faced on app dates reappeared there too, only with both sets of parents watching and more money spent.

While Rahul is still searching for his perfect match, Samara (26) and Zayn (28) found each other within a few months on Bumble. Samara and Zayn swiped right on each other, clicked instantly, and were fortunate enough to connect just as strongly in real life. Six years later, they are happily married, now with an additional member in their family.

There is no single formula for how love works. Some find it in real life, others online. People get their hearts broken both ways, too, because when it comes to human beings, complications will always arise.

But as times change, people must learn to adapt to new ways of meeting and connecting, and also know how to make the best of them. Dating apps, like everything else, come with their own set of challenges, and often the biggest mistakes are the ones that leave people feeling frustrated rather than fulfilled.

Many believe that having profiles across every possible app will increase their chances, but in reality, it often leads to the opposite. Juggling multiple apps only creates confusion, burnout, and disappointment. Dating is not a numbers game but a vulnerable process that requires time and energy.

"There is a popular idea that the more dates you go on, the closer you get to finding 'the one'. In truth, endless swiping and countless first dates usually result in decision fatigue. When faced with too many choices, the brain struggles to make good decisions, leaving people less satisfied," shared Dr Munirul Islam, psychologist. 

According to him, dating should not feel like sifting through an endless catalogue. It is healthier to remind yourself that you are not meant for everyone. That mindset alone can shift the entire experience, reducing stress and making space for more meaningful connections.

Dating apps are designed to be addictive, rewarding us with a small rush whenever we get a match. It is easy to fall into the trap of swiping everywhere — on the bus, during dinner, or even just before bed. But when dating becomes another form of distraction, it loses its purpose. 

Rahul mentioned how many conversations on apps never move beyond polite exchanges: "How was your day?" or "Nice dog in your photo", that lead nowhere. These so-called "nowhere conversations" often drain energy and enthusiasm.

A better approach is to ask the kind of questions that actually matter to you. If you want someone thoughtful, ask about what brings them joy, or who makes them laugh the most. The right questions filter out the half-hearted responses and leave you with genuinely interested people.

Another common trap is messaging back and forth endlessly without ever arranging to meet. Often, this happens because one or both people are hesitant or simply not serious about dating. If a week has gone by and there is no plan to meet, it is probably time to move on. Clear boundaries save time and emotional energy.

While many couples today meet through apps, relying on them entirely can lead to frustration. Apps should be treated as one tool among many, not the only option. They can help you practise being clearer about what you want and more confident in approaching people in real life.

"It is a tool for me to meet new people. Most people cannot hold conversations, but sometimes some people match the energy. It is like using a social media account, but for dating. I would love to meet someone in person if it happens naturally, but till then, the apps will do" shared Rahul.